I expected to hit a wall at some point along the way on this blogging adventure, but certainly not on Day 2! After publishing my first post yesterday, I woke up this morning with an expansive “Now what?” hanging over my head. Truthfully, I was hoping to take at least a few steps on the water before beginning to sink. As of this moment, I am in water up to my chin and continuing my downward descent.
All day I have been in a quandary; what is my next step? Obviously, avoiding my computer was not an answer—that would be to give up, which was not an option. I have learned over the years, that if I give myself a back door, I will use it. No sense facing the challenge, when you can slip out the back and chalk up your premature departure to lost interest or another pressing project demanding your attention.
As I contemplated my predicament, I began to wonder about the source of my lack of motivation to continue writing this blog. Neither my heart nor purpose had changed. I wanted to use my voice through the written word to encourage the down-trodden and broken hearted, the discouraged and those in despair—conditions in which I have found myself repeatedly through the years. I clearly remember times in which I desperately longed to hear a word of comfort and hope, to know that someone understood and I was not alone. My need for encouragement is ongoing, and I suspect it is a need shared by many.
I probed a little deeper to discover the thoughts that were fueling the current furnace of affliction—confliction--in which I found myself regarding my blog start-up. Granted, it was a small furnace, self-constructed, but one that threatened to stall my forward progress, if not reduce it to ashes altogether. Undertaking the writing of the blog was a challenge, but one of which I was not afraid, per se. The problem seemed to stem from the area of motivation; many people were motivated by challenges, I was demotivated. Slowly it dawned on me that something happens when I frame a goal or aim as a challenge, even when it is one with which I agree or desire to reach, such as this blog. All of a sudden, the scepter of possible failure arises and I want no part of the venture. Conversely, if I frame a goal or aim as a pursuit, my perspective and attitude change; I take off after the goal like a racehorse out of the gate.
Perhaps the difference is subtle, and to others it may be of no consequence, but for me, it is a determining factor in my staying in the race. Viewed as a challenge, the focus is the end; as a pursuit, the focus is the process. With a challenge, you meet it or get beat; in a pursuit, there is room to stumble, get up, and go on. I associate passion with pursuit, and panic with challenge. Passion motivates me, panic immobilizes me.
A problem identified, a solution readied. In retrospect, I realize how many times in the past I have lamented over my inability to follow through on an idea or project; how easily I indulge in self-flagellation and accept condemnation as the just reward for failure. We have an enemy who is not picky about what he uses to waylay or isolate us from the truth; yet we are never defenseless or without help or hope. If God is for us, who can be against us; if Christ is in us, we have access to the wisdom and sufficiency of God in every situation; if we are indwelt by the Holy Spirit, He will lead us into all truth—and when we know the truth, the truth will set us free from the lies that blind us and bind us in the course of daily living.
I don’t know what tomorrow may bring, but what I want to bring to tomorrow is a deeper awareness of His presence and a greater trust in His faithfulness, come what may. And by His grace, another post will come your way!
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