Sometimes the unexpected provides an unanticipated flow of warmth and lightness: a surprise visit by someone you love, or a cancellation of a dreaded commitment, or for us Chicago residents, the thrill of adding another tally mark in the winter “days of sunshine” column. It may be easy to wear our references to the weather, but not its relevancy; year-round, weather affects the atmospheric conditions in which we carry out our daily activities. However, the weather also lends itself to serving as a relatable touch-point to which we can compare our experience of life’s general climate--unpredictable, uncontrollable, variable, and capricious. Often the “expect the best, but prepare for the worst” philosophy is no more effective in coping with the weather than it is with life—expectations lead us to resenting the time and energy we waste on preparing for what does not happen, or being disappointed, given our interpretation of “the best,” with what does.
Expectation is the door through which law enters life and relationship. Expectation, at its root, is a demand. Whether it is overtly displayed or subtly dressed, an expectation establishes a desired response or a predicted outcome. We want what we want and we want to be right; being denied on either count creates conflict, internal and/or external. Inherently, expectations carry emotional weight; the problem side of expectation intensifies with the negativity of its accompanying emotional baggage.
What if what I want is right? Good? Beneficial? One of my very dear friends and counselors patiently worked with me to un-pry my fingers, one by one, from the death grip I held on my “right, good and beneficial –prove to me they aren’t”--expectations. It was not an easy, quick, or painless process. On the contrary, it was maddening and discomfiting. I could not wrap my head around the idea that expectations were unproductive and non-fruit bearing, and ultimately harmful to me, others, and relationships.
I asked and re-asked myself the same questions, “Could I hold onto expectations without being resentful or disappointed, without getting frustrated or discouraged, when my expectations were not met?” “Had doggedly holding on to my expectations ever changed the likelihood of them being met, or sped up the fulfillment process?” “Was laying out expectations, especially those only unilaterally recognized or accepted, necessarily an incentive for others involved to buy into them?” Unfortunately, the answer to all of the above was a resounding, “NO!”
While I acquiesced to the fact that expectations put a demand on behavior, others and my own, producing negative results 99.9% of the time—a wall or wedge between relationships, anger, despair, discouragement, judgment—I was afraid to let go of the false-security and illusion of control expectations provided. If I let go of my expectations, then what? I feared I would get only the dregs of life, the scraps at the bottom of the relationship barrel. If I let go of my expectations, what standard would take their place? Who and what would be at life’s helm? I felt like I was walking the plank to destruction of life as I knew it. Thank God!
God had an expectation-replacement ready—when I was ready. Its appearance was not earth-shattering, but it was chain-breaking and misery-lifting. An old question was the dawning of a new awakening. “In whom and what was my trust?” I realized that the issue was not the particular content of my expectations, but my misplacement of trust in them and their erroneous outsourcing for fulfillment: misdirected trust in man.
God offers us an alternative to man-based expectation: God calls it expectancy. Expectation is dead and static; expectancy is alive and dynamic. Expectation breeds resentment and disappointment; expectancy births hope and encouragement. Expectation is a demand of man; expectancy is a command of God. Expectation is based on rule of law; expectancy is based on the rule of love. Expectation shames and blames; expectancy sees and frees. Expectation hinders; expectancy inspires. Expectation glorifies man, expectancy glorifies God.
Expectancy is expectation held loosely, in man’s hands, but shaped, used and fulfilled at will, when in God’s, according to His plans and purposes, for our good and His glory. In all things—in every relationship and situation--God is our expectation and our hope, and He promises to never disappoint us. He is faithful and He will do it. My trust and expectancy are in Him alone. 1 Thess. 5:24, Ps. 62: 5,8
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