The sun is streaming in the window on this bright, but frigid, Chicago area morning. Two days ago, I was in St. Louis, Missouri, dropping one of my daughters off at school and it was a balmy 64 degrees. A five hour drive south and I was in a whole different winter world. This morning it is 10 degrees here and 55 there. Something is wrong with this picture. Perhaps it is time to consider an adjustment in scenery; a mere change in perspective would still leave me in the cold!
In my prayer time this morning I found myself asking, “Lord, what is on Your mind this morning?” I doubted it was the weather. Sometimes I can actually perceive the Lord as being quite down to earth in His God-like way, with compassion and a sense of humor woven into a cloak of tenderness which He wraps around me to warm my soul. January can be a long, cold month for many people internally, if not also externally. The days are still short and the nights long; there are more hours of dark than light. Many people find their emotional state tracking with the external conditions. For many years, I was one of them. A lie took root at the sub-conscious level. I began to identify myself as one of the unfortunate people who suffered from depression, one for whom depression had become a way of life. I felt bound by an emotional condition I could neither control, nor fix or alter. Seasons of deep darkness far outnumbered those occasionally--and mercifully—pierced by some rays of light. I hated the way I felt, but worn down over the years, I came to know and accept myself as a depressed person. I learned to live with a façade of normalcy, functioning as needed, but with a very thin veneer of well-being.
If there was one month in my memory files to be red-flagged for unhappiness and loss, January would be the one. My heart breaks for those who are struggling to cope with life, mentally and emotionally, the best they can. It is a hard-fought, hard won battle from day to day to keep going. There have been times the only help I wanted was for someone to make the misery go away; short of that, I just wanted to be left alone. The bottom line, the end of the rope, was coming to believe that I didn’t matter, life was too hard, and the pain was un-relievable—all lies, but powerful ones that were hard to unravel in the midst of life as I experienced it.
Although our perceptions may change, truth remains the same; God’s truth endures forever. God emphatically says I do matter, even though I don’t always see or feel that; God compassionately tells me that life can be very hard, almost too hard—but never hopelessly; God tenderly warns me that pain is inevitable, but temporary and treatable. What is my solace? God knows, God cares, and God carries my pain in His heart. God is with me; His presence never leaves me for a moment. God draws me under the shadow of His wings, despite the devil’s attempts to convince me God will not or cannot protect me.
The light of truth always pierces the darkness, whether we experience the lightening as immediate or delayed. How do I know this to be true in real life? The fact that I am still alive, have not given up, and have genuine hope for the future bears witness to the faithfulness of God and the power of His Spirit to sustain life in the midst of suffering. This is the unfailing love of God shed abroad in the hearts of His children—an all-encompassing love for all eternity.
“And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.” Jn. 1:5
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